because I’m still waiting for mine.. and i miss you

The Last of Days; A Fine Frenzy

Something causing fear to fly
Rising like a dark night
In silence
Traveling like a broken boat
Heading for the sky
And I’m an island

I watched you disappear into the clouds
Swept away into another town

The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I’ll be lost without you
Until the last of days

She said she first noticed me when I was at this party…

St. Patrick’s day @ Le Bar, Starfish Cove with Will

She said she was thinking “Who’s this girl? I love her dress! Nobody dresses like that in Vila”

Oh hunny.. if you had told me that to my face that night we would have become friends sooner!

But it wasn’t time.. we were still getting the feel of the place.. We were trying to get over the shock of finding ourselves in Vanuatu..

Good thing the city is small and in time we found ourselves at the same parties.. knowing the same people… and we inevitably clicked. How could we not?! I loved her just because there’s someone else aside from me who puts on eyeliner in the daytime! And I was in dire need of a girl friend and not just girly friends (hahaha. just kidding William!). Someone I can consult about my outfit, talk to about how men are so clueless (Take offense Will), discuss at length specific episodes of Sex & the City, and gush about make-up finds in the woefully understocked Vila shops.

Loitering around town one day.. we bumped into each other and we both found ourselves unwilling to go home yet. So we went for a coffee at Cafe du Village. We talked.. about how I managed to find myself in a relationship and how I’m coping with it in a city so tiny, how she came to be in Vanuatu, her work with the VSO, about people we don’t like (oh yeah. we had a bit of a bitch fest).. we talked until the sun came down and it was time for my boyfriend to pick me up for dinner. She came with us to L’Houstalet and was forced to eat snails by my very persuasive man. I think she realised two things that day: that escargot dipped in garlic butter sauce isn’t that bad and that we were going to be good friends.

We started meeting for coffee.. well.. I’ll have coffee.. and she will have… My Little Apple or some other funny thing. The girl doesn’t even drink tea and she’s British-Pakistani! You ARE special luv.

We’d go to Nambawan … and recall all the same episodes of SATC, quote the same lines, agree on character references and discuss what I’d wear to the Race Ball.

We’d go for Op-Shop runs and sometimes uncover gems such as a 250 Vatu (A$2.50) Sass & Bide jeans, mini skirts and dresses.

We’d meet at Rumour’s for a coffee and not pay our bill Jill’s for Mexican food, The Sebel for a taste of luxury and a quiet place for confession.

She came over to my house.. and courageously sampled my first attempt at baking while she listened to how confused I am.

Pirate ship sailing, house parties, boat parties, shopping, moonlit movies, dinners, brunch or dessert at tilly’s or Chill, clubbing and even my first time at a Nakamal (kava bar) this girl was a comforting and reassuring presence. I knew if I needed to have someone to bitch to, fix my make – up, boost my confidence, tell me I’m gorgeous.. She’s my girl.

I miss her. She’s the best girl friend one could ever hope for.

Sailing on a pirate ship

tipsy at Rumour’s with Will

drunk at Voodoo (I am. she doesn’t drink)

Nambawan cafe on my Farewell

The night before I left.. she looked at me with unshed tears on her eyes and asked me in a wounded voice how I do it: Make friends, find love and then leave.

I shrugged and gave a sad smile.. I didn’t want to say anything lest the smile I put in place slips off..

But here’s the answer:

I deal babe. Because in my life.. the leaving is inevitable

I swallow the lump in my throat, blink back the tears, put on a brave face and walk away.

I wait for the plane to take off and look down at yet another place I am leaving and I let the tears flow freely. All the while keeping in mind that I experienced all that I have experienced in this paradise because before I walked into this one.. I had to walk away from some place else.

This particular leaving broke my heart. It still hurts not being there. And I miss YOU, and Will, and Ivan, and Rusty and all the other awesome people I’ve met there..

But I did what I had to do.

I’m just going to have to cross my fingers and hope that I’ll be as lucky in the next place as I was in Vanuatu. And I will continue to have faith on the people who walked into my life and know in my heart that leaving a place doesn’t necessarily mean ending friendships.